CHASTITY: A TOUCHY SUBJECT!

For most people the word “Chastity” immediately brings to mind a negative response. You start saying to yourself things like “Chastity is old fashioned, Victorian, and prudish, not for modern man”, “My sexuality is private, stay out!”, and “Chastity is about religious repression”. We need to talk about Chastity, but let’s not talk about any of those things. Let’s talk about the social, cultural, and personal rewards that Chastity can bring.

My two favorite definitions for Chastity are:

  1. To refrain from sexuality that is contrary to ones morals.
  2. The purposeful directing of ones sexuality to do good.

Chastity is for us all. Chastity is the lifelong battle to use our sexuality strictly for expressing true and good self-less love to others. It’s lifelong because it applies to the pubescent 14 year old boy with pimples as well as the 45 year old husband and father of five. It’s a battle because we really can’t truly love another until we love ourselves, and the dynamics of that dichotomy have plagued the human race since the dawn of time. There are some pretty messed up male-female love relationships out there. Chastity can help.

What are some of the benefits that Chastity and using your sexuality to do good can bring?

  • Remove guilt, doubt, worry, stress and regret about sex from your relationship.
  • Provides a framework for what’s acceptable and what’s not. Is it good?
  • Eliminates the possibility of you being used or you using another strictly as a sex object.
  • Positions you to develop relationships with potential mates who value you for who you really are.
  • Reduces or eliminates your risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease.
  • Eliminates the risk of an unplanned pregnancy and the repercussions and decisions that come with it.
  • Prevents ghosts from past sexual encounters from haunting your current relationship.
  • Reduces the pressure to marry early and or marry the wrong person. Helps find Mr./Mrs. Right.
  • Gives you more control over your life and higher self esteem.
  • Allows you to enjoy more trust in your current relationship with a chaste partner.
  • Lets you develop more life long non-sexual relationships and friends.li>

So what are some concrete ways that we can practice Charity? First of all, I think we should examine an analogy that could help us. Let’s assume for moment that sexual promiscuity and every bad thing that can result from the uncontrolled actions of our sexual instincts as a “Fire”. A big fire…a forest fire! That fire starts somewhere, and often with little sparks. If we are going to be successful at preventing the forest fire, we have to put out the little sparks, the little brush fires first. I know, the forest floor is tinder dry and there are lots of things in our modern society that are kicking off sparks, but if we don’t at least try and put out the sparks one by one, the fire will rage and our life will become a wasteland.

What are some concrete things we can do to promote Chastity in our lives?

Many of the problems today with our sexual lives are the result of simply not having or being in touch with our own personal “moral code” for sexuality. Everyone needs a moral code regarding sexuality or we simply end up as being slaves to our emotions and hormones (like animals). What is your moral code for sexuality? If you don’t have one, or can’t put it in concrete terms, its high time you create one. Or, maybe its time you change the one you have. The first step to clarifying your personal moral code for sexuality is to establish a framework for that code. That framework might include each person seeking input, opinions, codes, and standards regarding sexuality from their religion or personal theology, their parents and or family, their community, and their peers.

I know that most people vehemently reject the notion of having anyone else tell them what their moral standard for sexuality should be. Personal freedom is great, but I think its time the pendulum swing a little the other way and as a society we start encouraging each other (and holding each other accountable) to be more “chaste”, and to stick to our own personal moral standards for sexuality, whatever they are!

How to put out sparks for men and boys:

  • Surround yourself with chaste friends, “Bad company ruins good morals” The social morals of your friends strongly influence your behavior.
  • Keep busy. Idle hands are the devils workshop. People get “bored to sex”. Stay active and involved.
  • Most of your “lust” starts with your eyes. That old saying “You can look as long as you don’t touch” is wrong. Looking is the spark that leads to a fire. Control your eyes not to look lustfully at women.
  • Control that impulse to click on that website that you know you shouldn’t be looking at.
  • Throw away the dirty magazines. Don’t even pick up that Play Boy magazine at the barbers shop.
  • Remember that alcohol and drugs to sex are what gasoline is to the spark. They make the fire go!
  • Other than with your wife, don’t engage in sexually suggestive conversations with members of the opposite sex.
  • Stay on the lookout for “NO”. She can be saying no with her verbal language, with the way she dresses, and or with her body language.
  • Never engage in technological (internet, texting, chat rooms,) fantasies about sexual relationships.
  • Vow never to violate the personal space of any woman.

How to put out sparks for women and girls:

  • Surround yourself with chaste friends, “Bad company ruins good morals” The social morals of your friends strongly influence your behavior.
  • Keep busy. Idle hands are the devils workshop. People get “bored to sex”. Stay active and involved.
  • Control your romantic day-dreaming and scheming that is fed by rivalries with other women, soap opera and drama type TV shows, heart throb novels, fashion photography, sexy magazines, etc. Stop it!
  • Don’t be so gullible. Always remember that boys and men will say and promise anything to get what they want from you. They will lie and manipulate, especially with the old secret weapon “ I love you”.
  • Remember that alcohol and drugs to sex are what gasoline is to the spark. They make the fire go!li>
  • Stop flirting. You are just kidding yourself taking satisfaction from having a man or boy lust after you. He is just thinking you are a piece of meat, nothing more. He doesn’t really care about you, or your hopes, or your dreams. All he wants to do is get his hands on you.
  • Other than with your husband, don’t engage in sexually suggestive conversations with members of the opposite sex.
  • Don’t wear clothes that are too sexually suggestive or call inappropriate attention to your body.
  • Never engage in technological (internet, texting, chat rooms,) fantasies about sexual relationships.
  • Say “No” when you mean “No”. Command respect and send clear messages with what you say, the way you dress, and with your body language.

Chastity can do a lot of good, as long as we aren’t afraid to use it.